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Has someone ever said to you, “You just need to turn that frown upside down”? Ugh! The sheer Polyannaness of this statement and seemingly oversimplification of being happy is maddening. But hold on a sec- there is far more depth and truth to this statement and many of us just pass on by, mistaking a flippant cliché for the sheer brilliance that it is.
It has been said that in the end the only regrets we have are the chances we didn’t take. How many times have you thought to yourself that you should have spoken up and didn’t? How many times have you wished you would have taken a chance on going for something that seemed out of reach? How many times are you going to relive these moments from the past? Turn that frown upside down! This isn’t just some stupid psychobabble phrase, it’s a reminder that everything is perspective- and there are times when we need to just shift- turn away from self-pity, doubt, regret, fear, and what could have been and smile at a wide open world of opportunity. We only regret because we choose to focus on the past. We choose to focus on lack and what we haven’t achieved. We just haven’t got there yet! Keep going. Keep trying. Turn that frown upside down means, SHIFT! Shift MUST happen if you are to recognize that although we can learn from our past, we can’t stay there if we want to move forward. Every time we stop and say to ourselves, I wish I had…. fill in the blank….we are moving backwards, no matter how hard we are trying to move forward. I wish I had is a binding statement of regret that holds us to the past. Let it go. Shift. Your new opportunity statement then becomes I am. I am going to take advantage of the next opportunity to….. I am going to create an opportunity to….. The power of I am, shifts you into an opportunity perspective and away from a regret perspective. Benjamin Franklin stated, “To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.” Shift! And shift quickly! Turn that frown upside down! And make people wonder what the heck you are smiling at. Opportunity is a beautiful thing. Carpe Diem. Seize the day by letting go of what you can do nothing about. Shift to see the world of what you have not yet achieved. Shift to realize your opportunity awaits. You are only confined by the walls you build yourself. Now go turn your frown upside down and see how different your world looks! Have a productive week full of opportunities and possibilities. Jolene Church is currently working on doctoral research on critical thinking in organizational leadership. She is an accomplished motivational speaker, success coach, and the co-author of the newly released, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset- available now on Amazon in paperback and Kindle or at www.successfulthinkingmindset.com
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An acquaintance of mine recently took a lengthy road trip with his three children. He said, “If I hear, are we there yet, one more time….” You could hear the frustration in his voice as he recanted the story. Yet many of us can relate.
Do you remember long trips as a kid and asking or wondering the same question? It was a combination of boredom from our confined space and anxious excitement about the destination. We just wanted to get there-wherever that ‘there’ was. It has been said that anticipation is nine-tenths of delight. Why is this so? Because our mind is a developer, processor, and generator of creative amazement. Without feeling the sand beneath our toes, we can imagine ourselves walking on a warm, breezy beach. Without being the CEO of a major firm, we can see ourselves sitting behind the big desk in that corner office with the sun pouring through the windows. Our mind does not require that we purchase “add-ons” to exploit this incredible feature- It’s standard equipment. We have the built in capability to supercharge our lives through the power of delight of thought, anticipating our desires and dreams- the power of imagination. So how do we use this power so that we don’t constantly ask, “are we there yet?” How do we unleash this power so that we do not feel like we are wandering down a path, or turning down many paths, wondering, where am I going or will I ever get to where I want to be? Most importantly, how do we use this power to achieve and succeed, realizing that our destination is never nor should be final. Certainly there have been moments when we have made statements like, “I could just stay here forever.” But this really isn’t true. There may be aspects of that place or experience that we may greatly appreciate, but complacency should never be something we strive for. It is natural for us to continually grow, change, and move. The very nature of our cells is a continuum of energy and motion. I remind people all the time that we really need to appreciate what comes out of the mouth of babes as their honest and curious questioning is really at the core of our success. Yes, even the embarrassing questions in the grocery line like when your three-year old asks, “Why does that man have a baby in his tummy? He’s not a girl?” This truly was a question asked by my granddaughter while my daughter was trapped in line wanting to hide. Okay, so we don’t blurt them out like little Athena, but we have to take ourselves back to the questions we asked as a child. Are we there yet? Shouldn’t we ponder this question regularly instead of being disturbed by it? Where am I? Am I where I want to be? If not, why? What will take me to my temporary destination? I say temporary because the intent should be to remain in motion but to reach the milestone of each temporary destination. Just like an old steamer trunk covered in stickers of destinations, so too should our lives be plastered in accomplished destinations as a part of a larger journey. Yes, we may arrive, but we need to have a plan for the next trip, next destination, and our next sticker. There will inevitably be flat tires along the way. We fix them and move on. We might run out of gas. We find a fuel station, even if we have to push the vehicle uphill to get there (hint: others can help make this task much easier- find people that will help you push when you need it), and we fuel up. The power to take these actions is within the mind. Think about it. When you get a flat tire, you must think, what do I need to do? I need to go to the trunk and grab the spare and the jack- or you pull out your Auto Club card (I rather like this thought better). Either way you fire up your creativity generator and resolve the problem. When we ask ourselves if we are there yet or aiming for the place we want to be, we are firing up the generator. The key is to keep the generator fired up with follow-up questions- something like this: Am I there yet? No. Where is there? There is the top sales representative in my organization. What is it going to take to make that happen? What are steps I can take each day to get myself there? What am I going to do when I run out of gas and I need help pushing? Who do I have to help push me? How can I enlist the help of others? Keep it going. Keep thinking. Always keep thinking forward. This is the key to your journey. Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be? "I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, and he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours…. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." Henry David Thoreau- Walden or Life in the Woods. Fire up the generator. Are we there yet?! Jolene Church is currently working on doctoral research on critical thinking in organizational leadership. She is an accomplished motivational speaker, success coach, and the co-author of the newly released, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset- available now on Amazon in paperback and Kindle or at www.successfulthinkingmindset.com Life is not a race, it is a journey. It is so easy to rush along life's path, hugging every corner like a Ducati at high speed- but there is no prize to finish first- so why sabotage the true prize?
Dieter Uchtdorf said, "Sometimes we get so focused on the finish line that we fail to enjoy the journey." I once read- life is short so live it; love is rare so grab it; dreams are real so chase it; fear is awful so face it; memories are sweet so cherish it. It seems preposterous that we need to be told to remember to savor the aspects of our lives that make up our life experience- but we seem to forget quite often to stop and enjoy the ride. It's not the destination that brings us joy, it's the journey. As the passenger on a trip, be it by car, train, plane, rail, or sail, it would seem we have an advantage over the driver wherein we can take in additional scenery. Or do we? At face value we are not bogged down by focusing on the direction that we are headed or in steering the machine. We view the experience through a different lens and are provided opportunity to enjoy the ride- that is, if we choose. Rushing along and missing the beauty is just as easy from any angle. The ride of life is not a missed opportunity for the driver. Just ask an avid Harley rider, equestrian, runner, or surfer. Being in the driver's seat provides full control and the greatest opportunity. The rush of wind in one's face- the beautiful gust filling a sail. We are in the prime position to see what's coming, obstacles and opportunities. We have the power to change direction and slow down or speed up. As the wave gains momentum, swelling the sea behind the surfer, the rider quickly springs into position to savor the experience of the wave. The pulse of the rushing, driving, wall of water propels the board and rider into a rush of exhilaration. Fear could grip a novice who then chooses not to ride the wave. The choice to savor experiences, both good or bad, the choice to take chances and to live life as the driver is in each of us. We are our choices. Our journey or our race- a choice. Each moment- a choice. Our fulfillment, joy, success- a choice. Our fear, our courage- it lives within us- only as we choose to create it. What we think is what we create- and it's a choice. Choose to live your journey- not merely exist. Slow down- enjoy your journey. Life is really simple. We insist on making it complicated- Confucius. Jolene Church is currently working on doctoral research on critical thinking in organizational leadership. She is a mindfulness practitioner and the co-author of the newly released, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset- available now on Amazon in paperback and Kindle or at www.successfulthinkingmindset.com As 2015 comes to an end, it's important to remember that every thought is a new opportunity for a new beginning! Happy 2016- Let's choose our new bright future- claim it, believe in it, make it happen! Happy New Year!
Why is it that people struggle with clarity? This is illustrated both professionally and personally through relationship struggles with others as well as ourselves. The common denominator in each is the last, ourselves. Francois Gautier said, “More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” Clarity begins within us.
Often what is in our head does not match what actually comes out of our brain when translated in writing or verbally, or in how we translate within our head what others are communicating to us. Certainty in what we think or communicate, our own thoughts or those being shared by others, can serve as a stumbling block, holding us back from limitless opportunities of clarity; it puts the cart before the horse. Fromm stated it best when he said, “The quest for certainty blocks the quest for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.” Is anything truly certain? Yes, it is said that death and taxes are certain, but let’s expand on the concept of certainty and how the finality of certainty inhibits our growth, our thinking, and our relationships with others. Have you ever sat in a meeting with someone and you were certain that the person was wrong? Argued with your friend or spouse because you were certain they didn’t have a clue what they were talking about? What happened? Did you quit listening as you developed your counter-argument? In these moments, if we do not seek clarity, we miss out on an opportunity to seek knowledge and perhaps form deeper, more meaningful relationships. It is through the quest for clarity that we gain appreciation for others- even if we feel that they have a really stupid point of view- because they propel our thinking and our growth. Shhh…..quiet your mind and listen for a moment. We hear statements like, “just hear me out,” or “just consider this,” these are statements of others certainty imposed into our area of uncertainty that help bring about clarity of thought through new thinking that encompasses a greater perspective. When we actually listen, without injecting our own thinking and allow ourselves to process what is being said, when we actually consider another way of thinking, we do ourselves a huge favor. We must realize that we don’t have all the answers and when we are certain, we forego opportunity. “For my part I know nothing with certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream” Vincent Van Gogh. Don’t get me wrong, I am, in no way stating that we should be wishy-washy and indecisive; that is not what I mean by taking a stance against certainty. We have the amazing computing ability within our minds to extrapolate, manipulate, and refine data to come up with some fabulous ideas, but when we form these ideas into a mold of certainty, there is no room for growth, expansion, and improvement. Brainstorming sessions can be wonderful as we see the collaborative thought processes of the group morph into a collective growth of clarity. Each person communicates from a state of certainty (their opinion) that what they have to offer will solve the problem- but what is really happening is that uncertainty is driving the development of a clear idea or solution. Clarity is being sought and gained. It is the prevalence of uncertainty as to what the best solution is that cultivates an environment of seeking. “The one unchangeable certainty is that nothing is unchangeable or certain,” JFK. As we seek to understand the thoughts of others, the opinions of others, and appreciate their perspective, we can appreciate the clarity of our thoughts. We can value how the perspectives of others have led them to their own conclusion. This gives us an opportunity to communicate ideas from where they are. Clarifying the thoughts of others within our own mind becomes a sharing, learning, and growth opportunity. It becomes an opportunity to bridge gaps, bond ideologies, and form relationships based on mutual respect and appreciation. It is an environment of open-mindedness. Albert Einstein so brilliantly stated that, “Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved through understanding.” This week, don’t set out to be right or certain- seek clarity. Seek understanding and you will certainly find infinite opportunities in everything you do. Jolene Church is currently working on doctoral research on critical thinking in organizational leadership. She is a mindfulness practitioner and the co-author of the newly released, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset- available now on Amazon in paperback and Kindle or at www.successfulthinkingmindset.com 9/20/2015 0 Comments Your Breakthrough Awaits!It has been said that brokenness is often the road to breakthrough, yet how do we move from a state of brokenness and confusion to a state of strength and hope? It’s about crushing down limited thoughts, crushing down walls rather than hitting them.
How often have you faced a serious dilemma in your life only to think, you have no options? It’s pretty easy to end up in that thinking. Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s also easy to get stuck there, which can be pretty frustrating, especially for someone who typically has no problem scaling walls. We must realize that the existence of the wall and how ominous it appears is determined in our own thinking. “Breakthroughs happens when limiting thoughts and behaviors are challenged,” – Fabienne Fredrickson. We can see the wall like the Butterfly Wall on American Ninja Warrior or we can recognize that we just need to think in a new way and take on the challenge. It is when we stare at the wall in defeat that we fail before we begin. It is that failure and brokenness, however, that can help us transcend our current state. What I want you to understand is that disappointment and perceived failure can be, and often is, the most important part of your breakthrough. Life has its challenges and these are connected to our hopes, which when things don’t go according to how we want them to go, are crushed. Crushed hopes and broken dreams don’t feel good, but this is part of the process. I could break into the theme song, Circle of Life, from the Lion King to provide some inspiration here, but stick with me. Of course it feels much better to be on top of the world than stuck in the mire, but look at your perspective from that deep dark place. In that place, our desires, hopes, and dreams can be resuscitated. Looking down we see nothing but muck, looking up, we can see the world from an angle we hadn't seen before. We now know more. We now see more. Everything that is real, was imagined first. From a state of brokenness and hopelessness, awareness can be realized. Awareness is an awakening to the reality of the current state, minus our limiting thoughts from our perception. It is was REALLY is, not what we FEEL it is. So many times in life, we allow challenges to become something that they really are not. We make mountains out of molehills, per say. We build ominous walls, where there really is simply a gate that needs to be opened. Our purpose in life is not to break even, but to break rules, break records, and break through. I’d like to encourage you today to think of your challenges from a state of what the challenges truly are, not what you perceive them to be. Only in this state of reflection will you see the true image of what needs to be done. “For things to reveal themselves to us we need to be ready to abandon our views about them,” Thich Nhat Hanh. Broken hopes are the starting point of manifested dreams. Be encouraged- you got this! Jolene Church is currently working on doctoral research on the effects of critical thinking programming on organizational leaders. She is a mindfulness practitioner and the co-author of the newly released, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset- available now on Amazon in paperback and Kindle or at www.successfulthinkingmindset.com Weekends are my corrective lenses. Like many, I look forward to my weekends as a time to recharge for the activities of the upcoming week, but the most significant point of recharge is to what I can see. I enjoy getting out and going for a nice long run or walk early in the morning and again as the sun begins to set. Although I may need sunglasses to cut through the glare of the sun peering over the mountains or during its decent into the horizon, yet this is a time when I can focus the most clearly.
For many years I wore reading glasses. My eyes would get tired from long hours in front of the computer or reading endless studies as a part of my academic research. I would often take off my glasses and rub my eyes. They were tired and even the corrective lenses seemed to lose their effectiveness. This past February, I decided that I was sick of wearing glasses and I wasn’t going to wear them anymore. I took them off and haven’t used them since. Over the course of days, weeks, and now months, my eye muscles strengthened and I no longer wear reading glasses. This doesn’t mean that my eyesight is completely healed, but I would say that it has improved significantly. Sometimes I need to turn something a certain way or into the light to adequately read or see the item, but for the most part, I see pretty clear. Had I not chosen to make that choice, I’d have bought into the belief that the only way for me to see was through corrective lenses, but I have learned that I already had corrective lenses. In life, whether personally or professionally, sometimes we need to temporarily shift away from how we typically look at something to gain clarity of sight. A colleague of mine shared with me his concept of ‘blind spots’. Think about getting new car, renting a car, or borrowing a car- what’s one of the first thing you figure out when driving it? – Where the blind spots are. Blind spots are barriers to our seeing clearly in every instance. Once we know where they are, we can find ways to improve our visibility and perception of what is around us. But first we need a new perspective to identify them. Think about your life. Where are your blind spots? Are you a deeply caring person that may allow your love and thoughtfulness for others to affect your better judgement? In business, are you so focused on what you know and how things have worked that you can’t consider a new way of doing things? Our vision is often affected by the world around us, how we know things to be, or sometimes even how we want things to be. As I stated earlier, I put on sunglasses to cut through the glare during my runs- how can you cut through the glare of life and the world as you see it? The answer is reflective activities. For me, I have to get outside. I have a yearning to get out to get in. By that I mean, my reflective activities, going inside my head and my heart are achieved through my runs and walks- although I can’t say that it is limited to these times, but they certainly help facilitate the activity. Getting out and away, for me, becomes a time to gain greater sight of my expectations, hopes, dreams, and overall contentment and satisfaction with how things are going or how I’d like them to go. During this time I gain perspective. As my sneakers hit the dirt and my external vision takes in the trees and the world around me, I am alone with my thoughts. What I viewed in one way while in another physical surrounding takes on a new perspective. The glare is taken off the situation and I can see new paths to take as well as a new vantage of the path I chose. I can even see the blind spots from this new perspective. Reflection is an amazing tool, but complete honesty about what you discover is mandatory. You won’t find blind spots and be able to correct them without this. Without honesty, the exercise is as futile as eating a hot fudge sundae while walking at a snail’s-pace on a treadmill. Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks inside awakens- Carl Jung. How do YOU gain perspective? Do you know your blind spots? My weekend runs provide me an opportunity to literally get miles ahead while identifying blind spots. For others it may be mountain biking, sitting on the porch having coffee, or weeding the garden (while you are at it, please come do mine); wherever it is, I encourage you to find that physical spot that may enable you to gain clarity and reduce blind spots. As you make this a regular practice, I can guarantee that you will greatly increase your sight, your effectiveness, and your joy for life. Jolene Church is currently working on a doctoral dissertation on the effects of critical thinking on organizational leaders. She is a mindfulness practitioner and the co-author of the newly released, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset- available now on Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Change is not something that many welcome with open arms, especially if it is unexpected. Lao Tzu, however, so brilliantly pointed out that “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are headed.”
How many times have we balked at a major shift in our lives and then later realized that it was in reality a great thing? This can be applied in the business world as people struggle to adapt to changes or are forced through major organizational initiatives to shift the way that they have typically handled processes and procedures and adopt a new way of doing business. In our personal lives, overnight changes in relationships, our health, or careers can dramatically affect our direction, but it does not have to affect our success trajectory. Change is inevitable and how we manage change is the key factor to success in our professional and personal lives. As an organizational change manager, I have seen groups of people reset their direction and build brighter futures for themselves and the organization as a result of unexpected organizational change. How did this happen? Vision. “Without vision, the people perish,” Proverbs 28:19. When we know where we are going or can at least conceptualize our destination, it’s much easier to get there or at least recognize it when we arrive. Imagine never having been to or having ever seen a picture of a beach or to the ocean and then deciding to head there. Would you even know which direction to go? Would you know what you were looking for? What happens during sudden life shifts is that we are instantly thrust into a situation wherein we are not quite sure which way to go. Our direction is thrown off and what is familiar to us is thrown off; this causes panic and confusion. When we can pause and visualize where we want and need to go, confusion dissipates. Organizational change agents understand that clarity of vision helps guide people through the maze of confusion. Vision enables people to navigate away from the familiar and comfortable toward a new future- this requires people to be willing to adapt. A strong leader can help facilitate this process in organizational change, but what about for us on a personal level? Who is our leader? The answer- we are our own leader. “Destined to become is the person you decide to be,” Ralph Waldo Emerson. We each have a self-motivating spirit within us- a success driver. This driver helps propel us through unfamiliar territory and into the future we dream of. Although life can make us feel defeated at times and less than driven, it is still there- it is a beacon within each of us, wanting to shine light on our intended path. A leader motivates, encourages and inspires. Who knows you better than you? You know what motivates you, so who is better to kick you into high gear toward achievement than you? It’s not just simply that if life gives you lemons, that you make lemonade, but that you look at the unexpected lemons and realize, although I didn’t plan on having lemonade today, it may end up being great. You then need to plan the steps- visualizing- how to transform what you have in front of you into what you desire. Remember, although change may sometimes come when we least expect it, it only takes one person to change your life into what you want it to be- and that is you. Embrace shift- it happens- embrace the leader within and shift in your new direction of success. It’s a matter of choice to spend time focusing on where you are or where you want to be. Jolene Church is currently working on a doctoral dissertation on the effects of critical thinking on organizational leaders. She is a mindfulness practitioner and the co-author of Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset. www.successfulthinkingmindset.com Peace of mind is not always the easiest thing to achieve. Why is this? First, we build contingencies into our ‘peace’. If, for example, certain circumstances or conditions are prevalent, then we believe we have peace. If believing in peace or chaos is at the core, wouldn’t peace exist at all times? This is the basis for a mindful state, realizing what truly exists in our present state.
Often we get so hung up on conditions that we fail to recognize what is. What we choose to be aware of is based on our ability in any moment to disconnect from what we see and feel and tap into the reality of the world around us. Even in a world where evil seems dominant at any given time, an alternate exists. During troubled times this is a particularly hard reality to see. Our fighting spirit however strives to guide us toward the existence of good and justice. Power is natural. Defeat is something we must work on. We each have a natural fighting power within us. It is what some refer to as a survival instinct or ‘will’. It is natural for us to want to overcome, to get through a difficult situation, and to prevail. We have a natural positive energy about us as it is a part of the quanta of the scientific nature of our being. We live because we are energy. Our bodies instinctively operate to sustain life because of positive energy. As we take in each breath and our heart beats, our body works as a collective with a goal for us to sustain life. Unfortunately, the unconscious mind can wreak havoc on the positive state of energy that our body is so naturally supporting, as it drives our conscious actions into focusing on the negative state. We choose to allow circumstances to defeat our positive thinking and disrupt our peace. Peace of mind, therefore, becomes difficult to achieve as our attention to circumstances becomes the focus of our thoughts. Creating new conditions that will help one to reconnect to a more positive state of awareness is the first step in shifting from chaos to peace. When we create physical or mental ‘safe havens’ for ourselves, we allow ourselves space that attracts positive thinking; a space where we can reach a peaceful state and a higher level of awareness. In the past, most of us have heard the term ‘happy place’, a mental escape zone to distract our mind from the recognized chaos or discomfort around us. One issue prevails with the concept of a ‘happy place’-try to find that ‘happy place’ in the midst of a traumatic experience and test just how difficult this can be. The problem is that conditions may physically exist that one must choose to remove themselves from in order to be physically able to reach a better mental state. When unable to physically remove oneself from an extreme situation, the ‘happy place’ becomes more of a ‘survival state’. A ‘happy place’, however, can exist and does exist, even in dire situations. Regardless of where we ‘are’ mentally or physically, peace does exist. We may not recognize it or have the ability to see and acknowledge it, but that does not mean it does not exist. Peace is a natural perceived state, a result of chaos. Positive energy, life giving energy, is active, chaotic, but it produces a beautiful world that we perceive as ‘peaceful’. Think of waves crashing upon the shore-chaotic energy, which many would interpret as peaceful and serene. Or how about a sunrise? The breeze rustling through the trees? All energetic, chaotic, positive energy. When we tune out conditions, we can see peace. We choose to recognize peace, even though it is a part of a more chaotic existence. Defeated thinking is a choice and can only be maintained through sustained focus. When we choose to recognize only the negative aspects of our current state, we focus on our state of being- defeat. Conversely, successful thinking is a choice and can only be maintained through sustained focus. We can only be what we accept and choose to be. Do you choose to be at peace or uncomfortable? Do you choose to be defeated or prevail? Peace of mind is a choice. “When you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find peace of mind is waiting there,” George Harrison. Jolene Church is currently working on a doctoral dissertation on the effects of critical thinking on organizational leaders. She is a mindfulness practitioner and the co-author of Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset. www.successfulthinkingmindset.com Turn on the television or open a magazine, the world is full of messages that target our comfort and pleasure. The most comfortable sleep, the most indulgent chocolate, or the most relaxing accommodations- we are naturally drawn to these messages that promise us a good and enjoyable experience.
As one could well, imagine, send out a message that promises hard work, frustration, and disappointment on the way to the final product, and not many would buy-in to that pitch. It is no wonder, so many people give up so easily on the way to achieve their dreams. We have been subliminally programmed and conditioned to see discomfort as a bad thing, and therefore our minds are not conditioned for success. I’m sure everyone has heard the phrase, “No pain; no gain.” It has become the epitome of success and perseverance quotes- but instead of a powerful and inspiring connotation, many see this as simply the negative price we must pay in order to achieve what we want. It’s amazing how a simple shift in how no pain; no gain is stated, can affect the mind. If instead, we hear the phrase, “The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph,” we instantly feel uplifted. Instead of deriving meaning from a negative point of view, what we are losing, the focus becomes one that places a value on the pain to gain ratio. Our mind at the subconscious level is extremely powerful, and therefore we must continually strive for a shift in perspective that can boost our productive thought- thought that will move us forward, rather than hold us back. No pain- you can’t have, no gain- you can’t have. It may seem rather simple, but from a psychological standpoint, our mind only receives the negative message- no, you can’t have. There are people who will argue that no pain; no gain is their mantra for success. These people are not immune to the natural negativity of the message, but rather, they have, through productive thinking, over-written the negative programming and assigned a positive message. This is achieved through perspective shifting. To get ahead, we must most likely endure, persevere, and experience ups and downs. These aren’t bad things, but they aren’t comfortable or enjoyable, which our body is naturally wired to be attracted to. The key is to not let our struggles become our identity. When we emphasize the negative aspects and wallow in the woes me aspects of the struggle, we block ourselves off from the reward. A shift of perspective in any negative situation is far greater than just simply putting on a happy face and seeing the glass half-full, while wearing rose-colored glasses. Success is born from struggle and mistakes are proof that we are trying. When we can stop in the middle of what is difficult and recognize our discomfort, we can get excited. Why excited? Recognizing discomfort serves as our indicator that we are growing and that we are out of our comfort zone. If it hurts, it means that we have pushed ourselves to the point of growing pains- which means that we are experiencing a growth spurt. A shift in perspective requires us to become cognizant that within our struggles reside our greatest opportunity to appreciate our greatness and abilities. Les Brown continually touts, "You have greatness within," - and you do- even though it may be difficult for you to realize when going through a struggle. We may feel like we want to give up, that it is too hard. We may feel that if we have to struggle and jump through hoops, that it is not meant to be. These are resulting thoughts from conditioned messaging that plant excuses in our minds. Martin Luther King Jr. stated, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Tough times call for even tougher thinking- our brain muscles will get a workout to figure out the necessary steps- and what feels great after a workout? A stretch. Today, I challenge you to stretch yourself- the best is yet to come. We aren’t defeated when we lose. We are defeated when we quit. Recognize that when you finally overcome that obstacle, that when you finally get through the struggle, triumph is yours. The difference between try and triumph is a just a little “umph.” Have an awesome week! Jolene Church is working on a doctoral dissertation in critical thinking. She is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com When our best isn’t good enough to hit the goal, we need to get better so that we can take another stab at it. Sounds easy, right? Well, we’ve been taught that practice makes perfect, so in theory, we should just be able to practice the same thing over and over until it becomes second nature. What happens, however, when we do this and we still aren’t on target? What we’ve missed in practicing until perfect are some very important steps. Additionally, we’ve practiced conditioned thinking which holds us back from that we wish to achieve.
Conditioned thinking brings about conditioned responses. We have been told a certain way to do something is the way to succeed, and that is how we respond- but have you ever thought about who is actually showing the way to success? Who made these rules? And why do we blindly accept and follow them? Practice makes perfect. Is it perfection that we should really strive for? Perfection is without flaw, and by accepting perfection, or that there is a perfect state, we are assuming there is just one way to get there. If we practice until perfect, aren’t we bypassing or overlooking many other paths that could just as surely lead to our success? In practicing until perfect, there is one path, and we have been told that we must simply repeat the same thing over and over and then it will come. Einstein had something to say about this when he stated that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” When we fail to hit the target, fall short of our goals, experience disappointment, lose out on something that we want so bad, we must keep going, but we must pause long enough from time to time to re-assess. “Learn to pause, or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you,” Unknown. In business when something is not working, we must stop and re-assess. Hitting the pause button gives us time to reflect on where we are and what we have been doing that led us to this point. What’s going well and what’s not. Our lives or our goals can be assessed through the pause as well. This is contrary to the messages that we have received throughout life. If you fall off the horse, you should get right back on. Most of us have heard this or been told this at some point. Again, like practice makes perfect, we miss something here. Persistence and never giving up is a key to success, but the power is in the pause. If we don’t take time to reflect on what went wrong, how can we improve? We have been conditioned with seeds to success that are quite misleading. It is no wonder that so many people have their wheels stuck in the sand, with their foot on the gas, wheels spinning in a fury, sand flying everywhere, yet getting nowhere. It’s frustrating, to say the least, when it seems like we are doing everything right, or so we have been told is the right way, yet we fail to experience a breakthrough or the achievement of our dreams. When our wheels are stuck in the sand, no amount of spinning is going to get us out; we will just continue to lodge ourselves in the rut. What do we do? Hit pause, get out and assess what other steps can be taken to get unstuck. We learn and do something different than what we were doing. A willingness to learn from where we fell short is as much a key to our success as persistence. Like a combination lock, there is no one key. It takes multiple factors to unlock our success. There is power in the pause because that time of stopping our, practice until perfect and get back on the horse mentality, enables us to reflect and learn. It is through assessment that we can find new paths, develop new techniques, and keep moving toward our goals. Yes, we can get back on the horse and persevere through practice, but we must be willing to learn. The most important message of getting back on the horse is that we don’t allow fear, doubt, and disappointment to stop us from achieving our goals, but what’s important is that we learn from the experience so that fear, doubt, and disappointment cannot take root in our thinking. The most important message of practice until perfect is that we never give up; that does not mean we need to keep doing things the same way. “It’s not how we make mistakes, it’s how we correct them that defines us,” Rachel Wochin. Accepting the shortcoming, pausing to reflect so that we can gain insight and redirect is what will push us through to the next level. It’s not perfecting, it’s refining. We cannot achieve extraordinary results by doing ordinary things and thinking in a way like everyone else. Once we realize that the road to success is not a neatly cleared and paved path, but instead is a forest that we may take wrong turns in, we learn that we need to be smarter to develop our own path. We take a wrong turn and we learn about that path and move on. It’s not that our best isn’t good enough, it’s that our thinking isn’t aligned with finding the road to success. “And my problem was that I always tried to go in everyone’s way but my own,” Ralph Ellison. Stop and pause, learn and grow, from there the path becomes evident. This week take time to hit the pause button. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you just haven’t figured it out yet. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com Whether we realize it or not, throughout our lives we (at some point) have given far too much credence to other’s opinions, which can contribute to our struggles with success. “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner,” Lao Tzu.
I’m sure at some point in your life your parents used the phrase, ‘If so and so jumped off a bridge, would you?’ So many of us have heard this as a result of our need to fit in by trying to have what our peers have or by doing things that our peers have done or want to do. Later in life this turns into keeping up with the Joneses. What we don’t fully recognize is that our natural need for approval from others may contribute to challenges in our pursuit of success. This is because we allow others, and society, to define the success principles that we assign to our lives, without any proven track record of success. We’ve heard many common societal success principles, such as, work hard, put in your time, sacrifice, and so on, but what about the thinking part of success? If we allow others to define how to achieve success, rather than experiencing how to achieve success for ourselves, what are we really learning? If we follow the success principles that are supposed to work, why is it that so many people do not achieve success? How about we define success and the steps to achieve success for ourselves? I’m not discounting the value that society has assigned to many of its success principles, like working hard, but what I am emphasizing is the importance of self-awareness when it comes to success and how we achieve it. Ask a thousand people for the definition of success and chances are that you will get a thousand different answers. There may be groups of similar responses, but as a whole, success is personal; so why would we apply a one-size-fits-all approach to the principles of success? “The more you love your decisions, the less you will need others to love them,” unknown author. Our life journey is ours. Our experiences are ours. We may share in our experiences with others, but at the end of the day, it is how we feel about our experiences that reside in our mind. Our subconscious is continually storing information that is deposited, often without us knowing. Our subconscious then drives our habitual responses and actions. When we become conscious about why we take certain actions and the underlying drivers, we can better control our outcomes. For example, if you become conscious of the fact that you are perpetually late for appointments or that you procrastinate; you can take steps to improve these things. The ball is in your court. When you allow your subconscious to play ball for you, how can you expect to win? You have no active part in the game! Societal and other’s success principles get stuck in our subconscious, causing us to do things a certain way because that is the way they are done. Let’s not confuse ethical principles or interchange them in this discussion of success principles, as ethical considerations are a completely different animal. Getting ahead, regardless of my definition, yours, or the guy down the street’s definition of success should never come at a cost that causes harm to others. Our subconscious likes to hold on to information. The longer we allow the information to reside, unchecked, through a lack of awareness and consciousness, the greater likelihood of our acceptance of subconscious information in becoming our thoughts and then beliefs. Beliefs are thoughts that we continually think about. In order to overcome our tendency to prescribe value to what others define as success, we must ignore the success principles of others and focus on our desires and what we constitute as fulfillment from life. Our success is defined by each of us in our own unique way. Much like two people can see a situation in completely different ways, we should appreciate our own perspective. Mark Twain once said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to stop and reflect.” Other people can enhance our life experience and contribute to our knowledge and understanding of the world around us, but it is up to us to decipher, interpret and apply that knowledge in a way that is beneficial to our well-being. You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets or with your mind on auto-pilot. Remember, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful,” Buddha. Realize that the road to success is not determined by anyone but you. This week, reflect on your path, where are and what that place means to you. If you do not like where that is, think about your opportunity to be happy- and set a course for your success. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com We have been conditioned to see a world of what we do not have, instead of focusing on a world of what we can have. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overhauls and looks like work,” Thomas Edison. We often don’t recognize opportunity as we are not looking for opportunities to recognize it.
We’ve heard the saying, opportunity knocks, but what if the door that it knocks upon is your impenetrable barrier called lack-focus? A focus on what we lack, may serve as unintended ear-plugs to opportunity. Many may relate to not being paid enough, not being recognized enough at work, or not achieving a certain level of success. Each of these scenarios are lack-focused. We lack, therefore we cannot have what we have claimed as our property (i.e. I do not make the income I would like). Our lack becomes what we claim and identify with. Our frustration can be turned into a powerful tool to shift our mindset toward an opportunity seeking mindset. With this mindset, we pull out the ear-plugs and are instantly in a position to recognize when opportunity knocks. Let me illustrate, as this perspective shift is incredibly simple, yet exponentially powerful. If we say that we do not make enough money- we have an opportunity to make more money. If we say that we are not recognized for our accomplishments at work- we have an opportunity to become recognized for our accomplishments at work. And for success? You guessed it! When we shift away from a lack-focus mindset, we realize that our lack of success, to the degree we define success, is indeed, an opportunity to succeed. A key to our success is that we fully understand the depth of our being responsible for creating our own opportunities. “The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees every opportunity in every difficulty,” Winston Churchill. Sun Tsu stated that “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” As we begin a shift in perspective toward focusing on what we can have, instead of what we do not have, it will seems as if there is an endless series of open doors. It’s pretty remarkable how just a simple change in how we view and interpret the world around us can affect our outcomes. “Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor,” Jackson Brown. People often mistakenly say that we must be in the right place at the right time to take advantage of opportunities. It could be argued that opportunity is all around us at all times. Therefore, it is always the right place and the right time- it depends on our willingness to recognize that opportunity exists at all times. In addition to not being in the right mindset to recognize an infinite realm of opportunities, we may choose to cut ourselves off from opportunity by issuing premature judgement about our abilities. Virgin Group founder, Richard Branson advises that, “If someone offers you an amazing opportunity, and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes- then learn how to do it.” It’s important that we not only open our eyes and ears to opportunity, but that we don’t offer judgement based on our current state. If we are in a current state of lack (whatever we accept to be), we may make excuses for why we cannot seize an opportunity- lack attracts lack. However, when we see that we have an opportunity, for example to make more money, but we aren’t sure how we are going to do it, we now have an opportunity to learn and grow. As we begin take on the world as if it were a smorgasbord of opportunities, our attitude changes and our life changes. Yes, in part, this is like seeing the glass half-full rather than half-empty, but it is far greater than just a positive outlook. Our world is based on choice. We can choose to see a life of challenges and adversity, or we can choose to see a life full of opportunities at every turn. Author and businessman, Napoleon Hill, once said, “Your big opportunity may be where you are right now.” A wise person will make more opportunities than he or she finds- it’s a choice. This week, make a game out of twisting every lack thought and lack comment into an opportunity thought or statement. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every lack thought, there is an equal and powerful opportunity. Don’t wait for opportunity- create it. Have fun with this and watch how many more opportunities you find! Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com It became apparent to me this week, that Dr. Seuss was one of the greatest success coaches of all time, and that much of what we need to learn about having a successful life can be gleaned from reading his work.
This week, my husband and I attended kid #7’s graduation. Yes, we have so many, they are now numbered. Actually, it’s become somewhat of a joke lately that I’ve run with. People, knowing that I have a bazillion kids ask me, “Now which number kid is that?” Brilliant! I thought! Number them. Now, now… I really am joking. It’s funny though, as it seems with any number of kids, when you are rushed and calling for one of them, regardless if you have 2, or 8 (like me), you end up calling them the wrong name anyhow. I’m sure you have experienced being called any number of your sibling’s names by a frustrated parent. We usually just rattle off names until we get it right- but I digress. Ian (kid 7), had one of the shortest graduation ceremonies that I have ever attended. This was wonderful, especially since we had to arrive hours early to get parking, and then sit on hard bleachers, waiting in anticipation with the swarm of other excited families in the stands. The best part of the ceremony came at the end. The Superintendent of Schools quoted Dr. Seuss, and to my delight, in two sentences, he summed up a life lesson that is a key to success in whatever we do. In a moment, my thoughts of sitting for hours faded away as these words of wisdom, from an unexpected source, shot straight to my heart and made me aware of my appreciation for the experience. I couldn't help but ponder since then, just how many success messages did Dr. Seuss deliver? The quote that started my philosophical journey at the graduation was, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. How many times in life do we get stuck thinking about the finality of a situation or experience, failures, or disappointments? Reflection is necessary in all that we do so that we can grow- but it’s the smile that follows that is the crucial part. Every sunrise exists for you. If we think of each experience as our unique possession from which we have an opportunity to grow wiser and more knowledgeable, we are on a successful path. Jim Rohn stated that “You can’t hire someone to do your push-ups for you.” We cannot experience someone else’s experience. It’s ours and ours alone. We must understand that every sunrise and sunset has our name on it to experience and translate what that experience means to us. In our translation, we have choice. The choice to choose what meaning we derive from our circumstances, and experience is where people often get stuck. Instead of seeing the situation as a learning and growing experience, they choose to focus and get stuck on what has happened. They ask, “Why did this happen?” But they do not have any intention of truly answering the question- which is where we get our smile. Every experience, is simply an experience. There are no good and bad experiences, just experiences. Good and bad are merely perspectives. What most would choose to perceive as bad, typically has great lessons associated- even if it is gaining awareness of the displeasure. We cannot grow when we harbor resentment, disappointment, or grief. This is how we get stuck. If we instead look at the unpleasantness and ask how the situation could have been avoided or what could have been done differently, we have shifted to a productive mindset. A productive mindset is one that is continually producing a forward momentum of thought. Even in undesirable situations that are beyond our control, we can gain insight from how we perceive the situation and begin processing productive thoughts to remedy the situation in the future- this is where we gain control. From a productive mindset, we are able to gain a smile following each experience as we realize it is our choice that puts us in the driver’s seat of life. It is our choice in perspective that will set us on the path for success. Crying over what has just happened, puts us in a recessive mindset. Crying over our immediate experience can be an exercise in awareness from which to grow. In a current state of awareness we have the power to choose. When we are stuck reflecting on past experiences we cannot move forward as we cannot go back to change anything. We can, however, make choices, based on perspective, right now that will affect the future. It has been said that we should climb mountains, not so that the world can see us, but so that we can see the world. “A moment’s insight is sometimes worth a lifetime of experiences. A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimension” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. So who would have thought that the key to our successful thinking was actually provided to us by Dr. Seuss? “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose,” Dr. Seuss. The choice to smile is yours. It’s all perspective. It’s all choice. It’s your success. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker with the National Speakers Association. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibits our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com Why is it, that our minds so easily wander to the dark side, accepting negative or worst-case scenarios instead of being hopeful? Henry Ford stated, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.” Our ability to control our outcomes is with us all the time, but so many times, we choose to believe that things are out of our control.
Years ago, when I closed my consulting firm, in advance of the house of cards collapsing in the financial sector, I did so, with confidence, that I would have no trouble finding work with another company. Why would I not believe this? I had provided services to some of the largest financial institutions in the world, had a stellar reputation, and had many impressive qualifications gained through my many years as an auditor and transformation specialist. What I did not anticipate were six, long months of scouring job bulletins, speaking with recruiters, sending out resumes, and the loser letters, or non-responses that I would or would not receive. Yes, I coined the term, loser letter. You know the one, it starts…. “Thank you for your interest in….. We regret to inform you, that after reviewing your qualifications…..” and the thought that would enter my mind following this, to finish the sentence was, because you’re a loser. Pretty harsh, right? I joked, when I would tell my family and friends, “I got my loser letter today from ABC Company,” brushing off my disappointment and frustration. Now, did I really believe this? Did I really believe that I was a loser? I’m a highly confident person. How could this be? Whether we care to believe it or not, when we entertain thoughts, allowing them to hang out in our heads- they become beliefs. So, the answer is, yes. Even a person with high self-esteem, can choose to entertain thoughts that seem to go against their character- and these become an unconscious belief. The actual verbalization of the term, loser letter, was a manifestation of my unconscious belief about myself, derived by how I believed others were seeing me- not good enough- or a loser. Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right. This statement by Henry Ford is so profound in truth to our ability to succeed in everything we do. When we think we can, we are accepting belief in ourselves, and our actions will naturally follow our mind. If I believe that I can get out of the chair and walk across the room, I will get up and walk across the room. My thoughts precede my actions. This is rather simplified, but if I don’t think I can, I will likely not try, and my actions will not follow to challenge my accepted beliefs. Think about the miraculous people, who with determination after a serious injury, have done something they were told they could not do. How many times have you become so caught up in the details of how you can, that you didn’t even try? This stems from disbelief; that until you have everything figured out, it can't happen. Let me illustrate how absurd this thinking is. When I finally received an offer for an interview, knowing that if I could just get in front of these people, I’d get the job, I gave it my all. My actions followed my belief- my knowing. I had a belief that I could secure the position- and I did. --And even if I hadn't, that still should not have affected my belief that I could secure a job. Belief is a choice. Why would we go on an interview if we don’t believe that we will get the job? Why would we look our best, present ourselves with confidence, and tell the employer why we are the best person for the job, if we don’t believe it? -- Because our thoughts precede our actions. With each resume, with each interview, our actions are following a belief. Why do we allow disappointment at just one opportunity to become who we are? Why do we choose the dark side of our thoughts? It is, indeed, a choice in perspective. I now know that what I saw, at the time, were not loser letters, opportunity letters . Each rejection is an opportunity to try again, for something better. I understand it’s hard to see that when you are there, but that is the point of this article. When I used the term, loser letter, I was allowing in, entertaining a negative belief, that led me into thinking I can’t. I was attracting more negative because my actions needed to follow my thinking. Our self-worth is not dependent upon what others think or our job status. Our ability to succeed is wholly dependent on what we think and believe, as successful actions will follow. Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before he finally succeeded. His perseverance was his action following a belief that he could succeed. “If you believe the doubts in your mind, you won’t achieve the dreams in your heart,” Marinella Reka. When we go to turn on a light, we don’t think about how the electricity gets to the switch. We just flip the switch and the room lights. Our thinking is the control switch over the outcomes of our life. Stop pre-judging if the light will come on or not, just flip the switch. Believe that you can and your creativity will be enabled. When you enable your mind to think you can, and then figure out the necessary actions and details, you will accept the belief that there is nothing that you can’t do- and you are in control. “If you really want something, you will find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse,” Jim Rohn. It’s time to start exercising control over your choice to think you can, or think you can’t. Your opportunities await. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker with the National Speakers Association. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibits our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com 5/16/2015 0 Comments Imagineering Your Future Success We cannot judge another’s path if we have not walked their journey. All too often however, we fall into a trap of judging ourselves and cutting ourselves off from infinite possibilities. We rush to judgment about the possible, assigning a label, impossible. The only place that our dreams can become impossible is in our thinking. Likewise, the only place that our dreams can become possible is in our thinking.
Most of us have come to accept the old saying, the best things come to those who wait. There is ultimate wisdom in this statement as it encourages us to savor our journey and persevere. We come to an understanding that there is something to appreciate in waiting for our dream to mature into its majesty. I believe however, if we fail to dream and gain vision, our wait is waste. If we instead embrace a thinking that the best things come to those who create, we can awaken our dreaming mechanism and awaken the realm of possibilities that exist within each of us-which make the wait enjoyable. Walt Disney capitalized on the term, Imagineering. Imagineering is the engineering of dreams into reality. Creating in our minds, dreaming and imagining, enables us to develop a vision of our future. Businesses have known this for years, developing vision and mission statements. Organizations look at themselves and say, what do we want to accomplish? Where is it that we are heading, and why? Organizations understand that in order to get somewhere, they must first know where they are going; then they can plan out the steps to get there. Why is it that we go through life without our own vision and mission? I have a sign in my office home office that says, “Dwell in possibilities.” In my downtown office, my mission statement is proudly displayed: “To motivate and inspire people, to see beyond the seen, and find infinite possibilities just beyond the horizon, to become more than they believe they can be.” I also have a vision statement for my life, as well as a massive list of goals and strategic objectives. Imagineering our lives, setting the direction of our path, to begin turning our dreams into reality requires that we allow ourselves to dream, and dream big. We can’t rush to judgement and pre-determine that our dreams are not achievable because nobody has ever done it before. We also can’t cut ourselves off from infinite possibility by resolving that we lack the resources to achieve our dreams. True, at this very moment, you can’t see how, or you lack the necessary resources, skills, and so on, but that does not mean your dream is impossible. It just means there will be many steps in the process to get there. What do you want? What do you want to achieve? Who do you want to be? “Where there is no vision, the people perish,” Proverbs 29:18. Developing a vision, is the first step in Imagineering your future. W. Clement Stone stated, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve. Therefore, we must believe in possibilities or there are none. Do you believe in possible? Your homework for today is to explore your possibilities. Cast the vision of your future. “Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become,” Hal Elrod. I encourage you, if you do not have a personal mission statement and a vision for your future, develop one. Start by thinking about what drives you and makes you happy. Stop and dream. Imagineer your future- as impossible as your dream may seem. Set your sights high and never, never, never give up. “When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this; you haven’t,” Thomas Edison. Let the Imagineering begin. Don’t judge, just dream. Now go build an awesome new future. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com So something didn’t go according to plan or how you would have liked it to go. Falling down doesn’t mean failure. If it did, we would have all been labeled as failures within the first year of life, learning to walk. Over the course of our lives conditioned thinking eats at our self-confidence and the way we handle and perceive falling down.
Do you remember the 1997 song Tubthumping by Chumbawamba? If not, you can click the video link and then curse me for getting the song stuck in your head for the rest of the day (you’re welcome). The catchy lyrics boldly proclaimed: I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down Somehow we so readily accept the term failure as something negative. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we always succeeded and never failed? I’d like to propose that the answer should be, NO; let me explain. When we learned to walk, we fell down, A LOT. Falling down didn’t faze us. We fell down and we got up again, and we did it again. Sure, we may have got frustrated, but we kept it up until we had it. Sometimes when we fell down, we crawled for a short while, and then got up and attempted to walk again. The important thing was that we kept re-attempting and moving forward. So many people get hung up on the fact that they “failed” that they can’t move past that point. It’s like a baby dropping to the ground and deciding never to attempt to crawl or walk again- just keeping its diaper glued to the ground. How can we learn if we don’t keep trying? So we fall down- but like the song- we just get up again. What many miss in the song is the intro: We’ll be singing When we’re winning Failing to achieve is really an opportunity to succeed. One door closes and another opens. Effort will release its reward, only when we refuse to quit. Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” When we refuse to see failure as an option, the only option left is success. Failure then takes a positive turn and transforms into future opportunity. I guarantee you that any set back that you have experienced is only temporary. This very moment is now the past. What will you learn from this moment to help you achieve your dream? What will you learn from what didn’t go well? Just sing to yourself: I’ll be singing When I’m winning I get knocked down, but I get up again Ain’t nothing gonna keep me down! The key is to get up, brush yourself off and keep moving toward your goal. You got this! It’s time to start believing in yourself again like you did when you learned to walk. Now go experience an awesome life! We'll be singing, when we're winning. Jolene Church is a motivational speaker and coach with the National Speakers Association. Jolene’s book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps readers break down thinking barriers that inhibit success and growth. They say that the brain begins working the moment that we are conceived, but quits working the moment we get up to speak in front of a group of people. Why are we so freaked out about communication? In this three part communication series, I will provide you with tips to overcome communication challenges in public speaking, business writing, and interpersonal communication.
So what is it about speaking in front of a group of people that creates such anxiety? Why is it that people fear public speaking over death? It’s true! More people fear death, second only to speaking in front of a crowd. The answer is pretty simple, really. People are afraid of being judged, looking stupid, and feeling like a failure. How can we overcome this? Practice, practice, practice. With Toastmasters International, I often explain to those wanting to become more confident public speakers, that getting comfortable speaking in front of groups is like learning to drive a car. At first, we are afraid to lessen our death grip off of the steering wheel and we feel that we are unprepared for the highway. Over time, we loosen our grip and become confident in our abilities to travel any road. Public speaking can progress like our driving journey, but it takes practice. When I got behind the wheel the first time in drivers education, I had never been behind the wheel of a car. I hadn’t sat on my parents lap or been given “parking lot” instructions by a family member. I remember worrying about maneuvering the big hunk of metal around other vehicles and braking without giving my instructor whiplash. The freeway was scary. There were so many other cars, and they all made it look so easy! Why did I feel so out of control? The reason was that it was new and I hadn’t worked at it yet. After battling the dreaded uphill start in a stick shift, turning down a one-way street, and taking a corner much faster than I should have because I hit the gas instead of the brake, I began to become comfortable and confident in my new learned ability. Similarly, my journey in public speaking was much the same. It takes practice to become comfortable with all of the different speaking situations, especially in business. Within the business environment, many find speaking in front of groups even more challenging than speaking at church, a club, or in any other group environment. Why is this? People fear looking dumb in front of their business associates. They don’t want their business colleagues to look down on them or question their ability to do their job. There are many ways to begin to overcome this fear. First, this is not a paid promotion for Toastmasters, but at the same time, I’d like to say that Toastmasters International is an excellent way to get over the fear of public speaking. Toastmaster clubs provide an encouraging, growth environment, focused on helping people overcome their fear of public speaking. Toastmasters International has over 300,000 members in 126 countries and has a mission to “empower individuals to become more effective communicators and leaders.” Famous Toastmasters include: motivational speaker- Les Brown, actor/comedian- Tim Allen, and author of “Think and Grow Rich”- Napoleon Hill, just to name a few. Toastmaster clubs provide an excellent way, often during your lunch hour, to grow your speaking confidence. So what tricks can you begin to employ immediately to “get behind the wheel?” I’d like to propose the following tips:
In a fast-paced, technologically advanced society, the role of mindfulness to achieve success is of increasing importance. Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, unconditionally. So what does this mean? Mindfulness stems from the ancient practice of connecting one’s self to the present moment through increased awareness. It is in the present moment we can appreciate where we are, for what it is.
Appreciation is important, whether we want to be there or not, as it is through appreciation that we gain perspective. Mindfulness has been shown to enhance perspective, performance, decision making and problem solving, innovation, as well as contributing to reducing bias and stress. From these results, it is easy to understand how mindfulness can contribute to both business and personal success. Broadened perspective. Mindfulness is based on a tenet of viewing life from the present moment. By looking and assessing where we are, and consider where we would like to go, we have a better perspective than one that is burdened by the past. From this perspective we may be able to see our situation or challenges in a new light. When we see where we are, right now, we can more carefully analyze opportunities that may exist, by appreciating this crossroad. When we possess a traditional perspective, instead of a mindful one, we assess how we got to where we are which introduces bias into our potential outcomes and limits our thinking as we become stuck on the role of the past. A broadened perspective provides us with greater possibilities. Improved Performance. Mindfulness is a continual learning mindset which leads to improved performance and excellence. When we consider our organizations or ourselves as “the best,” we shortchange learning opportunities and improved performance. The best indicates that there is nothing better. It indicates that we have arrived, not that we still have somewhere to go. When we consider ourselves continual learners we embrace a philosophy that no matter how great we have become, there is always room for improvement- and this may not be based on what we have done in the past. Solutions based on context. Within mindfulness, context is of utmost importance. Just because we have succeeded in business or on a personal level by taking certain steps, this does not mean that what we have done is the only way. There may be a better strategy to take us to a better place, but if we don’t judge each present moment, within context, we miss out on many opportunities, especially the opportunity of appreciating the crossroad. Focusing on what we’ve done limits our solutions. Instead, consider context to broaden perspective and enhance innovation in the present. Work/life balance. Work and life do not need to be in competition with one another. When we are mindful, we can integrate both into a harmonious union. When we increase our awareness to understand when we are feeling overwhelmed, we can practice mindful decisions to bring our harmony into balance. Balance helps increase awareness of hidden opportunities, in the present, as we reflect on what we want or where we want to be from a perspective of learning. What we can learn right now, is critical to balancing out chaos and gaining clear perspective. Increased creativity and innovation. When we are facing problems and become stuck, applying mindfulness can help us see the clearing through the weeds, instead of relying on habits to resolve. For example, if we are faced with dropping sales or a low income, mindfulness helps us evaluate new solutions. This is an opportunity to say, “I am here. What exists where I am?” We may have tried one way to approach a problem or done things that are traditionally always done (habits), but why do it that way? Mindfulness helps us to see that this moment is what matters. We now have an opportunity to find a better solution. Think of mindfulness as a field of limitless possibilities. There are no boundaries- not from the past, nor in the future. We are where we are- what exists in this place? In business this is an opportunity to appreciate a dedicated workforce, despite slipping sales. In one’s personal life this may be health or drive. Fair and bias-free mindset. One of the great benefits of mindfulness is that it is a conduit for fair and biased-free thinking. When we are freed from how we did things and consider where we are, we reduce blame and guilt, and are better able to move forward. Mindfulness is liberating, especially in decision making and solution finding as it opens our minds to a limitless future, by considering the present state and that what is, is not fixed. When we keep fluidity in how we perceive the future and what we desire, we open ourselves up to better outcomes. Mindfulness is a powerful, transformative tool. It is the key to helping us break habitual strongholds by seeing every moment as an opportunity to learn and grow. “Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better” Jim Rohn. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibits our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com Back when the late Joan Rivers coined the phrase, “Can we talk?!” in the early 1980’s, she’d have never known just how extreme the problem of talking would become. More specifically, the communication challenges of communication related to new technologies, generational differences, and communication preferences. This has not only become a tremendous problem in business but also in people’s personal communication.
In 1995, author Gary Chapman introduced the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. The premise of the book was that people have personal love languages or communication styles and techniques that are as unique as their physical and personality traits. His assertion was that just because one person sees providing a foot rub to the other partner as an expression of love (and this would also be what that person would interpret when received as an expression of love), that the other partner may not. Similarly, technology has brought us to a place where we have trouble knowing how to communicate effectively because we don’t know each other’s communication language. My three year granddaughter can override any electronic password, program the DVR in seconds, and update the latest anti-virus on my computer, seemingly intuitively. Perhaps a slight exaggeration, but I’m sure you get the point, that generationally, technology is not something to be feared. The younger generations just do it without fear of messing it all up. They also communicate very differently and other generations have also adopted new ways to communicate through technology. A doctoral colleague of mine, Dr. Jumanne is conducting a study on the cost of generational barriers of technology in business. His study is based on the premise that we assume everyone else has the same communication as us, and in using our preferred communication method (instead of that preferred by who we are communicating with), we are costing our businesses millions if not billions in revenue. How? Missed emails, voice mails, phone calls, letters, text, and the list goes on. I would like to add, that I do not believe this problem is isolated to the business sector, but that our communication language differences also effect on a personal level. How many times have you been waiting for an email and the other person said, “I left you a voice mail on your office phone?” – You never check your office voicemail as you primarily use your cell phone. Let me illustrate with the following situation. Bob and Sheryl are in their late 60’s and their 30-something year old realtor emailed the couple with an offer for the sale of their home. He chose to email the offer instead of calling the couple on the phone and requesting an in-person sit down to review? This is how he conducts his business and wonders why some of clients seem to have a chip on their shoulder. Bob and Sheryl prefer a sit down so that they can understand what they see on the paper. Their young realtor, savvy in technology, believes that getting the information to the couple via email is the quickest and most efficient method of communication. Bob and Sheryl feel put off by their realtor and wonder how he is too busy for them if he indeed expects a commission. Without communicating and letting the other party know our preferred method of communication, our communication language, we can drastically, negatively affect our business and personal relationships. Bob and Sheryl like new technology, but their communication language is direct. They expect to hear a voice- that is their communication language. Effective communication to build and nurture relationship with Bob and Sheryl is via phone call and/or in person. Had the realtor known this, he would not be in hot water with his angry clients that see him as rude and impersonal. The realtor could have simply asked up front by clarifying, “In the event of an offer I would want to provide you with the details of any offer as soon as I get it in. Would it be okay for me to email that over to you first? Or would you like me to call you instead to set up a sit down?” By simply asking the other person what their preferred method of communication is, we can avoid misinterpretations, misunderstandings, and communicate more effectively. If it’s not bad enough that people need to become mind readers because of poor communication (as we assume the other person magically knows something we think that they should know), technology, generational differences, and the technology preferences associated become serious issues. The only way to know someone’s preferred mode of communication or communication language is to ask! Yes, we actually need to talk to each other- the most basic form of communication- talking. So, yes, 30 years earlier, Joan Rivers was truly revolutionary when she asked the question, “Can we talk?” Although now, we need to revise the question to enhance our business and personal communication, “How can we talk?” If we would just take a moment to realize that people are unique and to communicate effectively, this can’t be for our convenience. We can overcome this new miscommunication paradigm as we get to know each other’s communication language and it all starts with talking to each other. Jolene is a leader with Toastmasters International and a member of the National Speakers Association. Her new book Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset will help people overcome conditioned thinking which hinders personal and business success. With all of the hustle and bustle of each day we long for peace, relaxation, slowing down, and quiet. Yet, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than 35% of Americans work on the weekends. This phenomena is not just limited to the U.S.; a global epidemic of being stuck in “work mode” is eroding many peoples’ ability to succeed.
What is success? Success differs from person to person. For most it is a blend of financial, personal, and professional achievement. The subjectivity of what is success is the root of people’s confusion about the connection between work and life balance. We long for the weekend or time off and then continue to check work email throughout the weekend, or bring work home from the office. The key to our success is resolving to take our time off as seriously as our work. Our time off, is our time to recharge. “The time to relax is when we don’t have time for it,” Sydney Harris. When we sleep, we do not check out emails. Our bodies are in a state of recharge. Just as an electric car must receive a full charge in order to run for its expected output and at optimum level, we must take time to recharge. A survey of successful people showed that taking time to recharge was the most important contributing factor to their success. So let’s explore what we need to start doing to help us break free from our limited belief that success comes at a price. Mohandas Gandhi said, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” There are deliberate actions that we can take to help us slow down, unplug, and recharge so that we can reach a higher level of success, happiness, and sense of personal fulfillment.
Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibits our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com According to a study by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, just 7% of what is said, is through words. That means that 93% of what we hear is not through the words we hear. Steven R. Covey says that, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” With these two things in mind, it is no wonder why we have breakdowns in communication. First, if we are developing our response to what is being said, while only partially listening to something that is only 7% of what is being said, how can we gain insight and understanding from one another, communicate effectively, and problem solve? If we only listen to 7%, how can we form opinions and make decisions?
“The word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT,” Alfred Brendel. When we fail to become quiet, we fail to hear. Listening increases thinking skills; as when you listen you are processing what is being said, and not just the 7% from the words spoken. We don’t learn from talking; we learn from listening. Winston Churchill stated, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” The art of actively listening enables us to fully assess what is being said, through voice inflection, facial expression, body language, and other non-verbal cues. “Listening is a positive act; you have to put yourself out to do it,” David Hockney. Although uncomfortable, if you are not used to actively listening, the value of listening is immeasurable. Listening engages your mind by connecting you with the thoughts and ideas of others. True, there may be some that are so close minded, opinionated, or full of themselves that you would rather not be connected, but there is always something to learn from every engagement of listening. Just because someone is opinionated does not mean that you took nothing away from the conversation. You most certainly realize and come to appreciate an informed and open mind. What is really important is what that person didn’t say- this is the golden nugget in active listening. Sometimes people just need to vent or talk through a frustration or situation. When you are the listener it is your job to listen, and to do so you must be present. Being present means that you are not clicking your pen, multi-tasking on ‘brain-less’ activities, or thinking about what you are going to say. Being present means, just that, your role is sitting in the front of the class, intently hearing, sensing, and seeing what is being said. A wise person once said that a man with an empty stomach is a poor listener. This person is so self-absorbed with their own agenda (a rumbling stomach), that they are not present. Pick up on the visual cues. Is this person visibly upset? Are they confused? Excited? The only true way to know is to be present and pay attention with all of your senses so that you can ascertain what is really going on. This means that you should maintain good eye contact, assume a posture that shows you are intently listening, and put yourself in their shoes- how do you think they feel? This will give you a greater understanding of the 93% of the conversation that you are missing from their words. Finally, when the speaker breaks and it is your turn, don’t rush in. Ask that you understand correctly. This gives the speaker an additional opportunity to clarify what they were saying and give you adequate information to respond. You have so much to listen to between the words, tone of speech, and visual cues that it is best to know that you fully understand. So often we are so quick to offer advice, defend our actions, or jump on the other’s bandwagon that we shortchange our critical thinking. This is like completing a mid-term paper without reading the instructions. You may complete the paper but you missed the critical elements. We need to slow down to think. When we are present and asking clarifying questions, this engages our thinking and gives us clarity. The biggest mistake that humans make: listening half, understanding quarter, and telling double. Becoming a better thinker requires becoming a better listener; for we can ask why all day long, but if we aren’t listening to the answer, than what was the purpose of the question? Becoming an effective thinker by actively listening can be summed up in the following:
Jolene is a communication trainer for Toastmaster’s International, professional speaker, success coach, and author of two books: Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset and It! Happens: A Practical Guide to Finding Your ‘It’. Jolene is practitioner of mindfulness for balance, excellence, and a successful mindset. Have you ever purchased a jigsaw puzzle, brought it home, dumped out the contents, only to look at the pile of confusion and think that you just bit off more than you could chew? Life can get a bit like this. Problem solving can get a bit like this. At times, what we have before us seems to be a huge pile of puzzle pieces with no reason or logic just random shapes that we must somehow interlock until they begin to make sense.
How do you go about solving your puzzle? Do you stare at the pile and say, “this is impossible”, and sweep the pieces back into the box? Do you stop for a moment and begin to process a methodical way of solving the puzzle? Do you just pick up a piece and see if you can spot anything that looks like it would fit with the piece you have chosen? For me, I separate all of the side pieces. I want to build the frame so that I can then find pieces that attach and bring the picture together. I also separate out like colors or distinctly marked pieces. I keep the box cover of the puzzle in clear view to help determine what the strange piece that I have pulled might be a part of. Regardless of how we solve the puzzle or how we go about trying to solve the puzzle, the end result is all the same (except for those that swept the pieces into the box), and that is that we all see the big picture in the end. At some point, every puzzler is faced with the thought- there must be pieces missing. We check the floor and the surrounding area as we are certain we don’t have all of the pieces. We just know that we purchased the ONE box that was missing a crucial piece- later to find out it was there all of the time. Why is this? Why does our mind accept so readily that we do not have the resources needed at hand? Often what we need is right in front of us, yet we fail to recognize how it fits into the puzzle so we look right past. How do you feel when you put in the final piece of the puzzle? It’s a pretty great feeling and one that leaves you with a- “now what?” thought. Do you break down the puzzle immediately or leave it in place a bit to serve as a reminder of your accomplishment? Some people glue their puzzles into an immortalized commemorative state; and I can completely appreciate why. There is great satisfaction in the end, but is this puzzle truly the end? We shouldn't be so quick to appreciate an end to creative thinking. We possess a mind that has an innate drive to create, to problem solve, and continually think- but what happens when we don’t see or recognize the puzzle pieces? How can such an advanced processor and generator of ideas see past what is right there? What if there were missing pieces? Would you be satisfied staring at a picture with the final piece missing? Chances are it would really bug you. Why? Because it is natural for our minds to want to solve the problem and reach resolution. This is why so many people feel like they are searching for something to make their picture complete. We want the big picture to come together in the end so that we can stand back and see how all of the pieces fit. This is natural. What all too many accept as natural is that there are pieces missing and there is nothing that we can do about it. The picture will always be incomplete. Have you walked away from the puzzle or sat for hours staring at it, only to have someone walk up, pick up a piece and fit it perfectly into the space you had been toiling over for the longest time? They simply walk up, grab the piece and slip it into place with ease, like it was the only piece of the puzzle that needed to be fit? You then proclaim how you had been looking for that STUPID piece for forever! They smile and make a comment about being a ninja puzzle master- which really gets under your skin. Why could they spot the piece that you couldn’t? You were the one who had everything sorted by color and shape. You knew that the piece HAD to be missing, yet someone else finds it without any trouble and puts the piece into place. We have been taught from a young age that we do not possess all of the answers. We have been conditioned that our resources are limited to what is known, can be seen, or proven. It has become programmed in that a piece is missing and that we will not see the picture come together. The problem lies in negative programming. When we set out to solve a problem, we do not think we cannot – unless we dump the puzzle back in the box. As we make connections with obvious fits, the picture takes shape. Doubt is created within the mind because of negative experiences (comments, situations, etc.) from our past. Doubt is like glue, holding down the pieces of the puzzle so that we cannot even grab them to try them out. Doubt immortalizes an incomplete puzzle. To combat the doubtful glue that is generated in the mind, we must always be willing to accept that although we may not see the pieces that this does not mean that they are not there. Whether we walk away from the puzzle for a bit, taking a break to find clarity, or a “ninja puzzle master” helps us find what we are looking for, the piece can be found. The “ninja” had clarity because of a different perspective which posed no barriers of doubt. Sometimes just shifting views of the puzzle helps. Sometimes walking away and coming back. The significance in the last statement is coming back. It is important when faced with a puzzle that the hope that was in us when we started (we can put the pieces together) remains to completion- even when we can’t see the pieces. Although we have been taught over the course of our lives that we don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle, they are there. As you face whatever it is you are facing, or will face, remember to be like the “ninja puzzle master”- with no preconceived barriers. Why can’t you solve this problem? You can. Gain clarity in understanding that you are the ninja master of your mind and there is no amount of glue that can hold you back. Sneak in and take the puzzle piece, fit it into place. There are no missing pieces. Jolene Church is the author of Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset and It! Happens: A Practical Guide to Finding Your It. Jolene enjoys coaching others, both individually and through her workshops to help people unlock barriers to their thinking and become their personal best. When we hear the term “friendly competition” or “competitive spirit” the term challenge comes to mind for many of us. We may think of accepting the challenge, but often, the “challenge” leaves us feeling like we have no choice but to accept its terms. This introduces conflict. Conflict or chaos is the root of competition and challenge, so how can we truly have a “friendly” competition? As an over-stressed society, why would we want to invite more chaos into our daily lives? The spirit can be defined as the essence of, the soul, or manifested feeling. When combined with the word competitive, it produces chaos of the soul or the essence of conflict. We accept, all too willingly, in “friendly” spirit, competition; which is in conflict within our well-being- and a contradiction. No wonder there is a clear loser! I’d like to say there are no winners when we are in competition with one another. One may think, feel, and perceive themselves as the winner, but in truth, there can be no winner in arrogance. Let me explain.
Action is energy. When we choose to enter into conflict we are inviting in more conflict. A close friend of mine sees competition as a pursuit of excellence. When I thought about this, I had to give the thought some merit, whereas, pushing ourselves in pursuit of improvement, excellence, and growth puts us in a state of forward momentum and energy- which many would agree is a good thing. Where the problem comes in, is when we introduce another into our personal pursuit of excellence. We can push ourselves, but it is imperative to our well-being that we do not compare or measure ourselves against that which others are or have. Why? Because it causes us to feel inadequate or just the opposite, it can cause us to believe we are better? By whose standard? The dictionary defines arrogance as having an attitude that you are better, smarter, or more important than another. The strength in arrogance is that it is an overbearing attitude. Regardless of the intention, when we believe we are the winner over someone else’s shortcomings, how can we truly be a winner? Rather than focusing on competition, we need to be focusing on collaboration. Instead of a weight loss challenge where there is a clear winner and loser, why don’t we use our energy to support each other? When energy is combined, it has greater power. Look at major fundraising efforts, such as those accomplished through crowdsourcing or humanitarian efforts. In the business world we develop strategic plans that require the collaborative efforts of many to execute and reach a common goal. There is no room for self-serving efforts in collaboration- however, when we combine energies, everyone wins. The sum of many parts combined can go much farther than any individual effort. Instead of waging a bet against each other, let’s wage that together we can accomplish this. Collaboration brings forth positive and productive energy. It helps us eliminate chaos and conflict from our lives. We cannot be happy and joyful while we are in a state of chaos and conflict. The two cannot co-exist. To become happier, joyful, and to welcome in a state of well-being, we must push conflict and all of its sources out. Because for every force, there is an equal and opposing force, conflict will continue to try to push into your happy space- therefore, we want to eliminate as many opportunities for conflict to enter as possible. Conflict and chaos are addictive. I’m sure you know a drama queen or king. Drama, drama, drama; these people seem to feed off the energy of drama- the truth is, they do! A chaotic energy state is so highly charged, that many become addicted to the high energy state. They continually look for more energy to feed their chaotic energy supply. What happens when they come down off their high? They are in the misery of the negative chaotic state which is now sapped of energy. What they don’t realize is that there is an equally charged positive state- joy! Joy does not leave you feeling drained like chaos- just the opposite, you feel energized. Positive energy has a positive effect. Negative has a negative effect. So why don’t people flock to happy and instead choose chaos? In part, because of terms like “friendly competition.” We have chosen to accept into our reality that there is something weird about being happy and joyful. You say, “I feel really good about this or that.” What is the response from another? “Oh, you better watch out, I know someone that….,” followed by something from another person’s life experience (which has nothing to do with you, by the way). The conditioning of the mind over our life introduces a pessimistic component where we feel we must introduce chaos to counter happy. Happy people are strange, right? Wrong. You might think, what’s up with that guy? He’s always so happy! Isn’t it strange how we do this? Instead, let’s join him and collaborate on happy. We so easily choose competition against each other instead of working with one another toward a common goal- being happy. We are all connected. Because of our connected energies, opposing forces are continually at work, pushing against us, in competition for our happy- and who wins in competition? Nobody. Today, look for ways to collaborate with others toward being happy. Have an enthusiastic attitude as you take on your day. Look for ways to build collaboration toward the goal of mankind- personal happiness, joy, and a sense of well-being. Jolene a transformative, motivational speaker on excellence. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, is available for pre-order and will be released in August. Jolene enjoys helping people find their ‘it’- the driving force within to reach their personal best. When you think of the word valuable, what do you think? Perhaps you conjure up images of gems, fine paintings, or other objects of high value. The dictionary provides us with the following definitions-very useful or helpful; a thing of great worth. I’d like to provide you with another definition which I hope you will use to redefine valuable in the vocabulary of your success in life.
When I think of this word, I think of it in the context of our ability to contribute to our well-being and our success- which you will learn, I find to be conjoined twins (much like our word). I see the word valuable as two words- Value and Able. Looking at valuable in this way provides you with a very different perspective. What is the value that you are able to provide every day? Are you able to add value? Your ability, in whatever you do, depends on your mindset. Are you able? I cheer, a WHOLEHEARTED, YES for you. Is your mindset in a state that will allow you to be value able? Let’s explore this. So what is value? I believe our dictionary definition gets close with words like helpful, useful, and of great worth. If you value something, it is dear to you. You can value your job, your family, your car, your health, or a myriad of people, places, things, and intangibles in life. When we combine value with able and look at it from a value added perspective we can see this as value to ourselves and value to others. Ram Doss says, “Be still. The quieter you become you can hear.” I say that our well-being and success are conjoined twins- they share a common heart. Our ability to provide value is a state of consciousness that is realized through a successful mindset. “The mind is everything. What you think, you become,” Buddha. Our value is a condition within our mind. I can or I cannot. I will or I will not. I may or I may not. The choice to consciously choose to add value to your life and to the lives around you sets your directional path toward or away from successful outcomes. I once sought the advice of a well-known author, in pursuit of my own writing dreams- he said, “Whatever you do, always provide value.” Now, of course I could have taken this statement at face value, but instead, I had to dive in a bit. It’s easy to think, give to others something that they would find joy in receiving and one is providing value. But something we often don’t think about is- what are you providing to yourself that you find joy in? Our well-being, sense of joy, happiness, and peacefulness in our soul is inseparable from our success. When we give the gift of joy, of well-being to ourselves, we are enabling the imparting of value- we are valuable. It is only then when we can provide value to others, becoming valuable to them-only after we have become valuable to ourselves. Success in life begins with your well-being. So many people exhaust themselves in pursuit of success and suffer devastating burn-out or worse, crash and burn. What they fail to realize is that true success comes from tapping into our joy and becoming ValueAble. Be encouraged as you go about your day to think about your value. What is good about you? Seek to identify positive qualities that you already have. Seek to identify positive aspects of your life and how you would like your life to be. You will then be on a Valuable path to success. Seeking greater understanding of the power of your mind? Jolene’s Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset will help you break down the barriers that come between you and a successful mindset. Jolene is a motivational speaker with the National Speakers Association and a leader trainer with Toastmasters International. An author, avid community supporter, and business professional, Jolene’s development workshops bring practical, down to earth motivation to groups of all sizes and industry backgrounds. |
AuthorJolene holds Doctorate of Management in Organizational Leadership and is a certified master success coach. Jolene's writing is continually inspired by the challenges that her clients are facing. She finds constant inspiration in the world around her and is profoundly honored to be living her purpose helping others turn impossible into possible. 
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