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Turn on the television or open a magazine, the world is full of messages that target our comfort and pleasure. The most comfortable sleep, the most indulgent chocolate, or the most relaxing accommodations- we are naturally drawn to these messages that promise us a good and enjoyable experience.
As one could well, imagine, send out a message that promises hard work, frustration, and disappointment on the way to the final product, and not many would buy-in to that pitch. It is no wonder, so many people give up so easily on the way to achieve their dreams. We have been subliminally programmed and conditioned to see discomfort as a bad thing, and therefore our minds are not conditioned for success. I’m sure everyone has heard the phrase, “No pain; no gain.” It has become the epitome of success and perseverance quotes- but instead of a powerful and inspiring connotation, many see this as simply the negative price we must pay in order to achieve what we want. It’s amazing how a simple shift in how no pain; no gain is stated, can affect the mind. If instead, we hear the phrase, “The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph,” we instantly feel uplifted. Instead of deriving meaning from a negative point of view, what we are losing, the focus becomes one that places a value on the pain to gain ratio. Our mind at the subconscious level is extremely powerful, and therefore we must continually strive for a shift in perspective that can boost our productive thought- thought that will move us forward, rather than hold us back. No pain- you can’t have, no gain- you can’t have. It may seem rather simple, but from a psychological standpoint, our mind only receives the negative message- no, you can’t have. There are people who will argue that no pain; no gain is their mantra for success. These people are not immune to the natural negativity of the message, but rather, they have, through productive thinking, over-written the negative programming and assigned a positive message. This is achieved through perspective shifting. To get ahead, we must most likely endure, persevere, and experience ups and downs. These aren’t bad things, but they aren’t comfortable or enjoyable, which our body is naturally wired to be attracted to. The key is to not let our struggles become our identity. When we emphasize the negative aspects and wallow in the woes me aspects of the struggle, we block ourselves off from the reward. A shift of perspective in any negative situation is far greater than just simply putting on a happy face and seeing the glass half-full, while wearing rose-colored glasses. Success is born from struggle and mistakes are proof that we are trying. When we can stop in the middle of what is difficult and recognize our discomfort, we can get excited. Why excited? Recognizing discomfort serves as our indicator that we are growing and that we are out of our comfort zone. If it hurts, it means that we have pushed ourselves to the point of growing pains- which means that we are experiencing a growth spurt. A shift in perspective requires us to become cognizant that within our struggles reside our greatest opportunity to appreciate our greatness and abilities. Les Brown continually touts, "You have greatness within," - and you do- even though it may be difficult for you to realize when going through a struggle. We may feel like we want to give up, that it is too hard. We may feel that if we have to struggle and jump through hoops, that it is not meant to be. These are resulting thoughts from conditioned messaging that plant excuses in our minds. Martin Luther King Jr. stated, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Tough times call for even tougher thinking- our brain muscles will get a workout to figure out the necessary steps- and what feels great after a workout? A stretch. Today, I challenge you to stretch yourself- the best is yet to come. We aren’t defeated when we lose. We are defeated when we quit. Recognize that when you finally overcome that obstacle, that when you finally get through the struggle, triumph is yours. The difference between try and triumph is a just a little “umph.” Have an awesome week! Jolene Church is working on a doctoral dissertation in critical thinking. She is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com
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When our best isn’t good enough to hit the goal, we need to get better so that we can take another stab at it. Sounds easy, right? Well, we’ve been taught that practice makes perfect, so in theory, we should just be able to practice the same thing over and over until it becomes second nature. What happens, however, when we do this and we still aren’t on target? What we’ve missed in practicing until perfect are some very important steps. Additionally, we’ve practiced conditioned thinking which holds us back from that we wish to achieve.
Conditioned thinking brings about conditioned responses. We have been told a certain way to do something is the way to succeed, and that is how we respond- but have you ever thought about who is actually showing the way to success? Who made these rules? And why do we blindly accept and follow them? Practice makes perfect. Is it perfection that we should really strive for? Perfection is without flaw, and by accepting perfection, or that there is a perfect state, we are assuming there is just one way to get there. If we practice until perfect, aren’t we bypassing or overlooking many other paths that could just as surely lead to our success? In practicing until perfect, there is one path, and we have been told that we must simply repeat the same thing over and over and then it will come. Einstein had something to say about this when he stated that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” When we fail to hit the target, fall short of our goals, experience disappointment, lose out on something that we want so bad, we must keep going, but we must pause long enough from time to time to re-assess. “Learn to pause, or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you,” Unknown. In business when something is not working, we must stop and re-assess. Hitting the pause button gives us time to reflect on where we are and what we have been doing that led us to this point. What’s going well and what’s not. Our lives or our goals can be assessed through the pause as well. This is contrary to the messages that we have received throughout life. If you fall off the horse, you should get right back on. Most of us have heard this or been told this at some point. Again, like practice makes perfect, we miss something here. Persistence and never giving up is a key to success, but the power is in the pause. If we don’t take time to reflect on what went wrong, how can we improve? We have been conditioned with seeds to success that are quite misleading. It is no wonder that so many people have their wheels stuck in the sand, with their foot on the gas, wheels spinning in a fury, sand flying everywhere, yet getting nowhere. It’s frustrating, to say the least, when it seems like we are doing everything right, or so we have been told is the right way, yet we fail to experience a breakthrough or the achievement of our dreams. When our wheels are stuck in the sand, no amount of spinning is going to get us out; we will just continue to lodge ourselves in the rut. What do we do? Hit pause, get out and assess what other steps can be taken to get unstuck. We learn and do something different than what we were doing. A willingness to learn from where we fell short is as much a key to our success as persistence. Like a combination lock, there is no one key. It takes multiple factors to unlock our success. There is power in the pause because that time of stopping our, practice until perfect and get back on the horse mentality, enables us to reflect and learn. It is through assessment that we can find new paths, develop new techniques, and keep moving toward our goals. Yes, we can get back on the horse and persevere through practice, but we must be willing to learn. The most important message of getting back on the horse is that we don’t allow fear, doubt, and disappointment to stop us from achieving our goals, but what’s important is that we learn from the experience so that fear, doubt, and disappointment cannot take root in our thinking. The most important message of practice until perfect is that we never give up; that does not mean we need to keep doing things the same way. “It’s not how we make mistakes, it’s how we correct them that defines us,” Rachel Wochin. Accepting the shortcoming, pausing to reflect so that we can gain insight and redirect is what will push us through to the next level. It’s not perfecting, it’s refining. We cannot achieve extraordinary results by doing ordinary things and thinking in a way like everyone else. Once we realize that the road to success is not a neatly cleared and paved path, but instead is a forest that we may take wrong turns in, we learn that we need to be smarter to develop our own path. We take a wrong turn and we learn about that path and move on. It’s not that our best isn’t good enough, it’s that our thinking isn’t aligned with finding the road to success. “And my problem was that I always tried to go in everyone’s way but my own,” Ralph Ellison. Stop and pause, learn and grow, from there the path becomes evident. This week take time to hit the pause button. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you just haven’t figured it out yet. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com Whether we realize it or not, throughout our lives we (at some point) have given far too much credence to other’s opinions, which can contribute to our struggles with success. “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner,” Lao Tzu.
I’m sure at some point in your life your parents used the phrase, ‘If so and so jumped off a bridge, would you?’ So many of us have heard this as a result of our need to fit in by trying to have what our peers have or by doing things that our peers have done or want to do. Later in life this turns into keeping up with the Joneses. What we don’t fully recognize is that our natural need for approval from others may contribute to challenges in our pursuit of success. This is because we allow others, and society, to define the success principles that we assign to our lives, without any proven track record of success. We’ve heard many common societal success principles, such as, work hard, put in your time, sacrifice, and so on, but what about the thinking part of success? If we allow others to define how to achieve success, rather than experiencing how to achieve success for ourselves, what are we really learning? If we follow the success principles that are supposed to work, why is it that so many people do not achieve success? How about we define success and the steps to achieve success for ourselves? I’m not discounting the value that society has assigned to many of its success principles, like working hard, but what I am emphasizing is the importance of self-awareness when it comes to success and how we achieve it. Ask a thousand people for the definition of success and chances are that you will get a thousand different answers. There may be groups of similar responses, but as a whole, success is personal; so why would we apply a one-size-fits-all approach to the principles of success? “The more you love your decisions, the less you will need others to love them,” unknown author. Our life journey is ours. Our experiences are ours. We may share in our experiences with others, but at the end of the day, it is how we feel about our experiences that reside in our mind. Our subconscious is continually storing information that is deposited, often without us knowing. Our subconscious then drives our habitual responses and actions. When we become conscious about why we take certain actions and the underlying drivers, we can better control our outcomes. For example, if you become conscious of the fact that you are perpetually late for appointments or that you procrastinate; you can take steps to improve these things. The ball is in your court. When you allow your subconscious to play ball for you, how can you expect to win? You have no active part in the game! Societal and other’s success principles get stuck in our subconscious, causing us to do things a certain way because that is the way they are done. Let’s not confuse ethical principles or interchange them in this discussion of success principles, as ethical considerations are a completely different animal. Getting ahead, regardless of my definition, yours, or the guy down the street’s definition of success should never come at a cost that causes harm to others. Our subconscious likes to hold on to information. The longer we allow the information to reside, unchecked, through a lack of awareness and consciousness, the greater likelihood of our acceptance of subconscious information in becoming our thoughts and then beliefs. Beliefs are thoughts that we continually think about. In order to overcome our tendency to prescribe value to what others define as success, we must ignore the success principles of others and focus on our desires and what we constitute as fulfillment from life. Our success is defined by each of us in our own unique way. Much like two people can see a situation in completely different ways, we should appreciate our own perspective. Mark Twain once said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to stop and reflect.” Other people can enhance our life experience and contribute to our knowledge and understanding of the world around us, but it is up to us to decipher, interpret and apply that knowledge in a way that is beneficial to our well-being. You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets or with your mind on auto-pilot. Remember, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful,” Buddha. Realize that the road to success is not determined by anyone but you. This week, reflect on your path, where are and what that place means to you. If you do not like where that is, think about your opportunity to be happy- and set a course for your success. Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com We have been conditioned to see a world of what we do not have, instead of focusing on a world of what we can have. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overhauls and looks like work,” Thomas Edison. We often don’t recognize opportunity as we are not looking for opportunities to recognize it.
We’ve heard the saying, opportunity knocks, but what if the door that it knocks upon is your impenetrable barrier called lack-focus? A focus on what we lack, may serve as unintended ear-plugs to opportunity. Many may relate to not being paid enough, not being recognized enough at work, or not achieving a certain level of success. Each of these scenarios are lack-focused. We lack, therefore we cannot have what we have claimed as our property (i.e. I do not make the income I would like). Our lack becomes what we claim and identify with. Our frustration can be turned into a powerful tool to shift our mindset toward an opportunity seeking mindset. With this mindset, we pull out the ear-plugs and are instantly in a position to recognize when opportunity knocks. Let me illustrate, as this perspective shift is incredibly simple, yet exponentially powerful. If we say that we do not make enough money- we have an opportunity to make more money. If we say that we are not recognized for our accomplishments at work- we have an opportunity to become recognized for our accomplishments at work. And for success? You guessed it! When we shift away from a lack-focus mindset, we realize that our lack of success, to the degree we define success, is indeed, an opportunity to succeed. A key to our success is that we fully understand the depth of our being responsible for creating our own opportunities. “The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees every opportunity in every difficulty,” Winston Churchill. Sun Tsu stated that “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” As we begin a shift in perspective toward focusing on what we can have, instead of what we do not have, it will seems as if there is an endless series of open doors. It’s pretty remarkable how just a simple change in how we view and interpret the world around us can affect our outcomes. “Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor,” Jackson Brown. People often mistakenly say that we must be in the right place at the right time to take advantage of opportunities. It could be argued that opportunity is all around us at all times. Therefore, it is always the right place and the right time- it depends on our willingness to recognize that opportunity exists at all times. In addition to not being in the right mindset to recognize an infinite realm of opportunities, we may choose to cut ourselves off from opportunity by issuing premature judgement about our abilities. Virgin Group founder, Richard Branson advises that, “If someone offers you an amazing opportunity, and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes- then learn how to do it.” It’s important that we not only open our eyes and ears to opportunity, but that we don’t offer judgement based on our current state. If we are in a current state of lack (whatever we accept to be), we may make excuses for why we cannot seize an opportunity- lack attracts lack. However, when we see that we have an opportunity, for example to make more money, but we aren’t sure how we are going to do it, we now have an opportunity to learn and grow. As we begin take on the world as if it were a smorgasbord of opportunities, our attitude changes and our life changes. Yes, in part, this is like seeing the glass half-full rather than half-empty, but it is far greater than just a positive outlook. Our world is based on choice. We can choose to see a life of challenges and adversity, or we can choose to see a life full of opportunities at every turn. Author and businessman, Napoleon Hill, once said, “Your big opportunity may be where you are right now.” A wise person will make more opportunities than he or she finds- it’s a choice. This week, make a game out of twisting every lack thought and lack comment into an opportunity thought or statement. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every lack thought, there is an equal and powerful opportunity. Don’t wait for opportunity- create it. Have fun with this and watch how many more opportunities you find! Jolene Church is a mindfulness practitioner, success coach, and motivational speaker. Her latest book, Thinking 101: Fundamentals of a Successful Mindset, helps people break down conditioned barriers in our thinking that inhibit our success. www.SuccessfulThinkingMindset.com |
AuthorJolene holds Doctorate of Management in Organizational Leadership and is a certified master success coach. Jolene's writing is continually inspired by the challenges that her clients are facing. She finds constant inspiration in the world around her and is profoundly honored to be living her purpose helping others turn impossible into possible. 
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