Dr Jolene Church's Blog Page
A site dedicated to cultivating successful thinking
It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s what you are thinking.
Commitment is what transforms a hope into reality.
Think about a time that you wanted to do something, and you hesitated. What was in that pause? What stopped you from going all in and believing in what you want – and more importantly you?
Questioning, “Should I?” can become a derailing question. To get past the derailment of the pause, we must become focused on what we want so that we can go all in.
The better question when opportunity arises is, “Do I want this?” There is no time for “Yes, but…. (usually followed by, “I’m not sure how.”), but instead, a simple Yes or No.
If yes, it’s time to go all in! If no, move on and look forward, never second guessing the decision.
It takes being all in to be successful at anything.
Look at life as if it were a game of poker, when you are confident and ready to receive and win, you are all in, and when you don’t see yourself winning, you fold.
You have to decide, yes, this is the hand, and you put your chips on the table and bet on yourself.
When a surfer decides to catch that killer wave, its time to be all in. One hesitation, and the moment is gone to ride that perfect wave.
Paddle hard in preparation as you see the wave swelling, and say yes, I’m riding this wave out.
What if the wave turns out to be a dud? What if the hand that is dealt is not a winner? Are you going to go over and over in your head for the next week, month, year, or decade how “if you wouldn’t have”? How is that going to move you forward?
Likewise, we can’t sort of decide to catch the wave or make that bet. We must commit and that all starts in our head. “I’m going all in.”
“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something you accept no excuses; only results” ~ Kenneth Blanchard.
Deciding to go all in starts with saying yes, despite not knowing how. There may be skills that you build along the path to ready you when opportunity arises, and then there may be skills that you gain along the way of building that dream.
If you want to learn to surf, you are ready to go all in with every promising wave. You position yourself on the board as you begin to paddle into the flow, and then what? All in time!
As you make your way onto the wave, you jump to your feet – and then kersplash! You are down. Then what? You ready yourself for the next opportunity to go all in! When you commit, you keep at it until you are finally successful, gaining additional knowledge and skill along the way.
Instead of “Should I?” ask yourself “Do I want it?”. If you want it, it’s time to go all in.
If you are ready to make real change, it’s time to change your thinking to get different results. Going all in is a commitment to yourself, a belief in you, and what you want.
Your attitude determines your direction. It’s time to get what you want. It’s time to GO ALL IN! #letsdothis #makeithappen
Someone totally did you wrong. All you want to do is pay them back so that they can suffer some sort of discomfort as you have had to suffer with the injustice that you have experienced.
You know it’s wrong and mean, but you can help it. It consumes you.
I mean, they really did you wrong! How dare they get away with that?!
You can’t focus, and revenge seems to be the only answer.
The toxicity of what you are feeling, that negative energy is all consuming. The energy that you spend trying to get revenge can be better spent creating an amazing life, but you feel trapped.
You don’t die from the snakebite, you die from the venom that continually surges through your veins.
The anti-venom is forgiveness.
Forgive and forget about the past. Your ego is going to try to suck you back and attach you to your past so that you can’t take steps forward to enjoying today and having an awesome future. It’s time to remember you and your successful mindset.
By delegating your power away in anger, hurt, and revenge, you drain your energy to create the life that you want.
People who create their own drama reap their own karma.
The word karma means action. It’s the actions that we take that attract like action. If you are full of toxic venom, what are you going to exude and attract? Pretty simple - venom.
If you squeeze an orange, would you expect anything other than orange juice to come out? Do you think that you are going to get chocolate milk out of an orange? I know that would be pretty darn cool, but the answer is no. You are going to get orange juice, because that is what the orange is filled with.
It seems like an overly simple thing to say, just forgive the person, but what you will produce is anything less than simple, and the power that you gain is immeasurable.
Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong, because it is a choice to stay powerful and present and not get dragged into the garbage of the past – a period of time you can’t do a darned thing about. It’s done! You can’t change it.
So how do we go about truly forgiving so that we can step into our successful thinking?
It’s as easy as 1-2-3
Decide that you aren’t going to get stuck in what’s already happened. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. Choose to move on, focusing not on past pain, but on being joyful in the moment and creating a beautiful future that is free from toxicity and negative karma.
Make forgiveness a part of your daily ritual. Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude. Just like brushing your teeth or showering, forgiveness should be a part of what you do daily. I like to incorporate this into my nightly affirmations and prayers. I express my gratitude for the things that I have and will have in my life. I impress upon my subconscious mind that I am forgiving of myself and others – not allowing myself to drum up anything that someone has done in the past – keeping my thoughts current and forward focused. I state that I am a beacon of love and that I attract to myself that same love and forgiveness.
Shift from blame to understanding. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. We become trapped in the mucky mire of negative energy when we hold on to resentment and anger. We become imprisoned within our own thinking. Let it go and you will have unlocked the cell door to where you were trapped inside your own head, creating negative emotions through your thoughts.
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace.
Forgiveness is another chance to make a new beginning. There is nobility in compassion, a beauty in empathy, and a grace in forgiveness that brings your back into positive alignment with your success.
Forgiveness is the best act of love that you will ever give to yourself. Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.
It is my wish that this week, you will bless yourself with the choice to forgive so that you may have an abundance of peace, joy, and love so that you can completely kick butt on whatever it is that you want to achieve. Now go be awesome!
9/13/2018 0 Comments
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Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do nearly anything to get it? Your thought being that by having that one thing that you would be happy? You are not alone.
The quest for happiness is the topic of much literature, films, blogs, and the essence of the spiritual journey for many.
What if I told you that humility and happiness go hand in hand and that happiness is not a destination, but a choice that starts through humility?
Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in Irvine, California provides three helpful tips to remain humble:
“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels” Saint Augustine.
Happiness starts with a choice to look at what is and question who is in control – your successful thoughts or your ego? Your ego robs you of joy, demanding that you deserve more and pointing out your suffering and affliction.
Your thoughts are actually the key to driving your happiness because it is in your thoughts that you can dispel the lies of your ego. When your ego decides to tell you how much more you deserve, ask yourself, is it true that I deserve more than the next person?
If all are created equal, does anyone truly deserve more than another? I am not saying that you should not have desires and dreams. What I am saying is that your ego has a sneaky way of robbing your joy and happiness by twisting your thoughts and beliefs that happiness is based on you being worthier than another.
When we invite humility into our thinking we can challenge ego and find happiness that is already inside. Humility calms the chaos. Rather than being in conflict with others, we are in unity and see that it is not “what I deserve,” instead it is “my desire”.
What is humility? One definition is the “freedom from control of the competitive reflex.”
A dear friend of mine and I like to spar on the concept of “friendly competition.” My position is that there is no friendliness associated with a desire to overtake another. My friend’s position is that through competition it challenges us to push our limits. If one person in the end is left feeling inadequate, where is the friendship? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating “participation trophies” for all so that everyone can feel good.
What I am saying is that when we compete against others our humility goes out the window. What we need to be doing is competing with ourselves. Pushing our own limits, not measuring them against others. Ask yourself, is it true that I will be happy if I beat my brother at the game? Or is it my choice to be happy because I have the ability to be in the game and challenge myself to do great?
Instead of competing against others, stay in your space and out of their Kool-Aid! Your space is your business, their Kool-Aid is their business. Challenge yourself to be a better version of you. A great way to do this is to know that through humility you have more control over the chaos of being in everyone’s business.
Humility is a space of emotional neutrality and a space that we can exercise service, which builds our humility muscles. In this space we gain insight that we are not above or below others, instead, we are hand in hand. In this space you will find that rather than creating chaos through competition (having to be better), that by encouraging their achievement and helping them succeed in areas that they need a helping hand, you will feel peace. Through service, we humble ourselves to get out of the “me, me, me, I need to be superior” thinking and into unity and understanding of how happiness is cultivated through peace in our thinking.
Let me just tell you, sometimes being humble hurts. Sometimes going up against the ego reveals things to us that aren’t so pretty, but it’s necessary if you want to find peace and happiness that resides within.
“He who finds joy within himself discovers that his body is charged with an electric current and life energy that is not from food, but from God” Paramahansa Yogananda.
We each have a river of joy and happiness running through us – finding it does not mean finding something outside of ourselves, or stepping over others to do so. Rather, humility is the key that will unlock the door to the happiness within.
Humility is the wisdom of accepting the truth that what your ego is telling you is wrong. Strength comes from telling your ego to take a hike, that “I choose happy.”
Go after that thing that you desire, with all your heart. Just make sure that you add a heaping helping of humility so that you understand that success does not equal happiness, but happiness equals success.
Have a blessed week. Namaste.
Jolene holds Doctorate of Management in Organizational Leadership and is a certified master success coach. Jolene's writing is continually inspired by the challenges that her clients are facing. She finds constant inspiration in the world around her and is profoundly honored to be living her purpose helping others turn impossible into possible.