Dr Jolene Church's Blog Page
A site dedicated to cultivating successful thinking
Have you been struggling with the same old issues at work, home, or in your relationship?
Nothing goes away until you learn the lesson that you were meant to learn.
I’m sure you’ve heard the term “going around the same ol’ mountain?” Life can be somewhat like the movie Groundhog’s Day, and like Bill Murray in the movie, until you learn what you need to learn, you will be stuck in repeat. Day in and day out, “I’ve got you babe.” Well, “You’ve got you babe.”
Why is it that we get stuck in the repeat cycle? Because sometimes the lessons are re-introduced in another way so that we might have a new perspective and different thinking. It’s like taking a re-test where the questions are re-phrased or the multiple-choice answers are in a different order.
Getting stuck in life’s lesson can be frustrating. You may find yourself asking, “How do I keep ending up here?”
Quite simply, the thinking that got you there in the first place didn’t change.
Until you realize what in your thinking is remaining the same, you will keep waking up to the same ol’ tune.
How do you get out of Groundhog’s Day?
First, let’s determine what is happening. What is the repeat? Are you broke? Depressed? Self-sabotage? You can never seem to get to the next step?
Whatever the circumstance, let’s agree that right now is where your power is. Right now you can choose to get to the bottom of this and break the repeat cycle.
No matter where you have been or what you have gone through, that was then, this is now. Even if right now you are penniless because of what happened then, right now you are penniless with a new outlook. Let’s hand you back the reigns on life’s ride, the power is yours to steer your future.
Whatever your circumstance, you feel a certain way about that circumstance. Say you have been ill and you feel beat down. You remember when you could conquer the world, and now you feel like a defeated lump.
Okay, so you feel that way. That is a choice to feel that way. What’s I’d like to ask is, “How is that serving you?”
If you don’t like the feeling that you are having, let’s dish up a new one. Let’s stay with the sick example, because we could easily replace sick overweight, procrastination, and any number of things.
Let’s explore this feeling of being beat down from having been sick or being in the process of overcoming an illness or condition. Let’s face it, not feeling well sucks, but if you are going to beat this thing, you need to change your thinking.
Like anything in life, you will have some good days and some bad days, but those are defined by the thoughts that you prescribe to them. If you are a recovering alcoholic or coming back from a debilitating illness or accident, your thinking is what will change everything for you.
I’m not talking about just thinking positive thoughts, although they don’t hurt. I’m talking about your choice of feelings.
If you feel discouraged, what is the thought behind that feeling? Instead of focusing on what you used to be or have, let’s instead have you focus on what you are doing. “I am overcoming. I am healing. I am working toward being whole again. I am working on getting healthy.”
‘I am’ is powerful. It’s powerful because it is in the present tense and it is right now. It’s not focusing on what “I was” or what “I used to,” it’s here and now and it’s where you have great power.
When you are sick you feel anything but powerful. When you lose your job, you feel anything but powerful. When you sabotaged your diet, once again, you feel anything but powerful. Stop spinning around chasing your tail. Heads is up.
I great illustration of being stuck in spin and exercising heads up is like that of a bodysurfer being caught underneath an ocean wave. If you have ever experienced this, you know just how terrifying it can be to be trapped in the swirling wave, unsure of which way is up and which is down. To get out, you have to get your head up above the wave. You have to find the light and get your head above the water.
When we allow ourselves to feel trapped in our circumstances, our thinking becomes like the swirling wave. We can’t think outside of the swirl.
When we realize that our circumstance is something outside of our control, but we can control how we feel in that circumstance by changing our thoughts about the circumstance, we see a light and our head pops up.
Hope is a light and it is ALWAYS in your control and power to have hope because it’s a feeling attached to a thought. Nobody can change your thinking. Nobody can make you feel anything. That is your choice. People can do things, but you control your thoughts.
Going around the same ol’ mountain can change when you decide to change it. Once you determine how you feel about where you are, and you explore the thought driving this feeling, you can ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?”
Again, with our sickness example, “What can I learn from this?” It may be as simple as, what makes you feel better? When you get more rest? When you eat certain foods?
You can change how you think about your illness if you shift your thinking to a learning mindset. “I know when I do this, I feel better. I choose to do this. I am going to keep finding new ways to feel better and better.”
“When I cheat on my diet, I feel like crud.” Pretty self-defeating thinking, wouldn’t you say? Instead, I love the way I feel when I see my pants getting looser. I feel powerful knowing that I am a beautiful being that can change my thinking and change my life. I don’t need to keep going around this mountain.”
Once we learn to break the shackles of thinking the same way, Groundhog’s Day becomes a thing of the past.
You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.
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Jolene holds Doctorate of Management in Organizational Leadership and is a certified master success coach. Jolene's writing is continually inspired by the challenges that her clients are facing. She finds constant inspiration in the world around her and is profoundly honored to be living her purpose helping others turn impossible into possible.